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me: I killed my boyfriend in a STX lane. Again. But it's okay, he was a bad guy this time....
Christine: I used to do that all the time! So great for your relationship :) One time I shot him with a paintball gun!
Tom: You would date a zombie...anything short of it would just not be weird enough
John: I agree with Thomas.
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Frater is a cadet now, too. So he has Cadetland stories!

They were conducting exercises in a local park, and Frater had to be the opposing force. His job was to ambush/jump out of a ditch at the good guys and fluster some junior into getting a "needs improvement" evaluation.

They heard movement on the pathway.

It was the right time.

So they jumped out.

Three big dudes in facepaint, wearing black shirts and camo bottoms, and pointing realistic M4s came screaming out of the bushes at a group of sorority girls.

Shrieking ensued.
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John and Joe come into a room. Noise gradually ascends to shouting. I wake up. I tell them to shut up. ABSOLUTE SILENCE for thirty seconds. Then whispering. Then talking. Then explosion noises. Then shouting. Repeat process.

I just went out into the room where they are. They're playing Obampoply. It's...Monopoly. Except they have scads of stuffed animals (the lime green monkey is a lawyer and the owl is a tax collector!) to serve as the politicos who arrange bailouts and recessions and everything. Dear Lord.
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Dad: Your brother just walked in.
Me: Which one?
Dad: The good one, not the evil one.
Me: I have three, you'll have to be more specific.
Dad: What? Why would you have three?
Me: Didn't you say brother?
Dad: No, I said mother.
Me: Wait, why would I have two of those?
Dad: She's flipping me off, so it's the evil one.

By the end of the conversation, the good one had resurfaced. She was waving a gin bottle at him.
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me: let us leave
Mater: we need a broom
me: we don't need a broom
Mater: we need a broom
me: sdfasglj
Mater: [finds janitors]
Mater: I lost the one I rode in on, can I borrow your broom?
Janitors: :D
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Mater: ...That's just who I am, I just can't not be in a group.
Pater: Yes because if you're alone the things come out of the shadows come out to get you!
Mater: You know, if you weren't hot...
Pater: No, that's no good. I'm totally uninsurable. You wouldn't make anything if I died.
Mater: *downs most of glass of wine, shoves rest over to me*
Pater: You, on the other hand, are fantastically insured.

o.O

o.O

Jun. 7th, 2008 02:58 am
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Said Mom, "Do you have any idea what on earth this is?"

She showed me a piece of notebook paper with green, girlish writing on it.

I googled and found that it's a sort-of analysis of an Ibsen play. My mom announced that she "will be seriously disturbed if Joe cannot explain where this came from, because I would hate to think that Ibsen is crawling around my house."

yeahhhhh

May. 9th, 2007 02:02 am
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me: Do you have self-esteem?
Jiejie: I have a condom.

plane

Aug. 18th, 2006 01:39 am
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me: I want to see Snakes on a Plane.
Joe: Huh? what's it about?
me: Snakes. On a plane.
Joe: ?!?!?!
Mom: You are not going to see Snakes on a Plane.
me: Why not?
Mater: YOU'RE GOING TO GET ON THREE, FIVE, FOURTEEN AIRPLANES NEXT WEEK.
me: *wonders vaguely how two jets = fourteen jets*
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me: Eat your corn.
John: *sulks and eats corn sulkily*
me: *somehow gets off onto a monologue about the 1950s that concludes with "But they really weren't all that bad"*
John: You're right.
me: *looks surprised*
John: They're better than they used to be.
me: ...Quite.

me: *meanders up to John and looks angry*
John: *looks wary*
me: BRITISH EMPIRICISTS!
John: What?
me: they were bad.
John: Yes. They tried to purify the church.
me: GEORGE BER--wha?

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Kate

September 2013

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